I intend to get homeless drunk
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
