i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Floor bacon is actually really good
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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