college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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