Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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