I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
