you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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