do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
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