She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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