My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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