I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
