i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
