just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
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