you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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