Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
