Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
