I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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