bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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