i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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