My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
