Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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