did you get engaged???
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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