Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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