these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
