garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Randomize
