would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
