Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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