also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
