I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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