just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
It was like giving head to a cactus.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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