i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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