So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
