I wish I could teleport
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He felt like a one man threesome
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
