Where is the hickey?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
