3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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