Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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