he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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