I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
