she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Randomize