you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
