checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
