he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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