Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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