I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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