booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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