Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
