Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
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