I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
