I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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