Are we in a gay sports bar?
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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