so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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