THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
