Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Holy sore nipples Batman
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
