oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
