I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Randomize
