Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I will pee on everything he values.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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