One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
