Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
