I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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