Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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