I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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