So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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