I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
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