Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
cat food counts as protein by the way
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
