I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize