it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
