Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
