How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
