just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
