I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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