I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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