If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
