sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
