Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
